2020 Hindsight

My Facebook memories today showed me a rather raw, lengthy, "how I'm REALLY doing" post from 3 years ago. Verity was just about 3 months old, and while we had adapted for the most part into our "new normal," clearly our life was not easy. In fact, as I read over the words of that post, my 2020 heart went out to my 2017 self.

Oh. My. Goodness.

How did we survive those early months? That first year?!

If only I had known back then where we'd be in 3 years. It would have been so incredibly encouraging to get a glimpse of our family now. If I could have time traveled from then to now, I would have seen the following:

• First and foremost, Verity is ALIVE and THRIVING! She is living her best life, surrounded by so many people who love her and help her achieve more than we could have imagined when she was a tiny, unhappy baby.
• Also important: Verity now sleeps! Through the night more often than not! Her CPAP mask and machine have been a game-changer for all of us.
• We have HELP! Wonderful nurses who have become like family. (I continue to hear horror stories from other medical moms...but praise the Lord, we have been unbelievably blessed.)
• Our family no longer is moving from place to place with the military. Ted is retired, and we are homeowners living in a dream house on 3 acres of wooded property.
• My other kids are thriving. Not that we haven't faced challenges--some of which have been incredibly painful and significant. But by God's lovingkindness, our kids are growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, to whom we cling daily for new mercies and strength every day.
• I no longer feel anxious or depressed, and I don't even remember the last panic attack I had. (Though medicinal options were a possibility...I found significant help with some natural solutions, and I'm so very grateful for what I learned during those dark, difficult days.)
• I feel closer than ever to my husband and to my Savior. (This. Is. EVERYTHING. There was a time I feared for my marriage and even my own self. It's a story for another day, perhaps...)

Again...I'm not saying that life is perfect. I AM saying I am joy-filled, content, and full of hope for the future. And since mamas usually set the tone for the family, I think it's fair to say the dynamics of our household are generally much more positive and far less stressful than they were 3 years ago.

I know it's not for us to see the future...but oh, how glad I am for the ability to look back on the past from wherever we are in the present. Seeing how circumstances change over the course of time is such a help for framing our responses to circumstances that seem endless and unchanging...

Father God, thank you that YOU are unchanging! Thank you that your love never fails. Thank you for your purposes, which are good and eternal. May we be lights, shining for you regardless of whatever we are facing Today. Jesus, you are the same yesterday, today, and forever! Praise you!