Ultrasound #2: Facts

We had another ultrasound yesterday since the last one had not yielded good visibility for Verity's heart. I was so looking forward to getting another glimpse of our baby girl, whose movements grow increasingly stronger day by day. I was also anticipating some answers--something, anything--that might help us prepare for what Verity will need, what she will be like, upon her arrival.

Verity was in the exact same position as at the ultrasound 4 weeks prior--face down--but her increased growth allowed much better visibility for the tech whose priority was to get good shots and measurements of her heart and profile. Aside from her little feet turning inward and the clenched hands, both typical of Trisomy 18, everything looked so beautifully normal to us as parents. Our technician was kind and talkative and able to complete her tasks quickly. It wasn't long at all before we heard from Dr. B, the female doctor who had spoken with us after Verity's last ultrasound.

I will do my best to summarize the facts as we learned them yesterday. Considering it has been 24 hours and I did not take written notes, I may very well forget something, but here is what I remember the doctor telling us:

• The baby's heart looks very normal--this was an immense relief and an answer to prayer, as many T18 babies have heart issues. We have been praying that we will not have to make a decision about any major interventions that may cause harm to Verity, and knowing her heart is healthy in utero gives us peace.

• Verity's profile is absolutely beautiful. Oh wait...I'm supposed to be giving facts here, not opinions! ;-) But that is my interpretation of what Ted and I saw on the monitor coupled with Dr. B's assessment that there is no sign of a cleft lip (which could indicate a cleft palate but is not something that can be determined by ultrasound). Again, cause for celebration. I firmly believe that no matter WHAT this precious baby's appearance, I will see her as beautiful; however, one of my prayers from the beginning has been that our other children will feel connected to and not repulsed by their baby sister. Additionally, it gives me hope that perhaps I will even be able to nurse her. 

• Despite slowed growth being typical of T18 babies, Verity is of an average weight for a baby at 22 weeks gestation (about a pound). Now that I'm typing this out, I realize I neglected to ask specifically about her head circumference, which was in the 5th percentile last time. I will see if I can find out anything about that.

• The doctor could see no other physical concerns that were not already noted in the previous screening. Again, reason to praise the Lord!

• Based on this assessment, Dr. B is even questioning the need for Verity to have to be in the NICU, assuming she arrives close enough to her due date and is delivered without complications. She also suggested that whether I chose to do a C-section delivery or not would not make any difference. Now...the fact that she said these things is...a fact...but...this leads me to a topic for what obviously needs to be a follow-up to this post, which is feelings...so, I will unfortunately have to leave you hanging there for now.

Dr. B asked us some questions we honestly could not answer, mostly because it seemed so many of those answers would have had to begin with the words, "It depends..." I don't remember all of the questions, but I do remember phrases like hospice care, medical interventions, and ethical decisions. As Ted and I stared blankly at each other throughout these queries, it became all too obvious that, despite the reading we have done, we simply do not have enough information to equip us for the wide range of possibilities ahead of us.

So...we left the medical center with another appointment scheduled for next week: a consultation with the genetic counselor as well as a doctor from the NICU. These folks will be able to help us think through the "what ifs." Actually, perhaps it would be more accurate to say they will first help us know what exactly some of those "what ifs" are...

Despite hearing all of these facts, we left somehow feeling as if we know even less than we did before the ultrasound...