Holding Pattern

I've had some close friends ask lately how I'm doing. Most days the answer is, "Pretty well, actually." It's rather startling to realize how ordinary life seems after the tumultuous roller coaster of October and November.

I have somewhat arrogantly assumed that our holiday season will be "normal," untouched by drama or trauma. Maybe it's wishful thinking; maybe it's an unspoken prayer that God will give us some sweet, precious memories together before Whatever Happens Next swoops in and takes over our lives. I desperately want to foster a festive and generous holiday spirit in our hearts and in our home, particularly for our younger children who don't have as many Christmas memories racked up as their older siblings. (I recently overheard my three-year-old son listing objects on our Advent calendar, having learned at least a few things even though we haven't actually STARTED the calendar readings yet, sigh. He did quite well leading up to "Wise man, camel, the thing that he brought...another wise man, another camel, the thing that he brought." Hey, even many adults don't really know exactly what frankincense and myrrh are!)

So...life is about as normal as we can make it this year. Decorations are out of the basement and adorning shelves, mantles, and walls. The baking cupboard is bursting with supplies waiting to be mixed or melted and prepared for sharing and/or hoarding. While we've agreed as a family to drastically simplify our gift-giving this year, we still have special treats planned in the way of events and family activities, and the much-anticipated stockings will still hold treasures for eager hands (and mouths) to enjoy first thing Christmas morning.

In between trying to keep up with homeschool lessons and direct holiday activities, there are the not-so-normal bits...

* My OB appointment on Friday showed my belly measuring at the same point (23 cm) as at last month's appointment. (It should have been 28-29 with a baby growing at a standard rate.)

* I continue to monitor posts in the trisomy parents Facebook group. Wee ones have been stillborn or flown to the arms of Jesus in recent weeks. On the other hand, others are celebrating birthdays and milestones no one expected them to reach.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/T18Mommies/

* Rhema weaned herself completely a couple of weeks ago. I'm thankful for a good nursing experience with her, one of our longest at 16 months (and definitely the longest I've nursed a baby while being pregnant!). But I couldn't help feeling a bit melancholy because of not knowing anything about what Verity's feeding needs will encompass.

* Any other year I'd be penciling in future events and looking forward with anticipation to things like traveling to our teens' speech/debate tournaments in the spring and my company convention in the summer. But now...my calendar remains blank with invisible question marks hovering over every possibility. Even local outings like concerts or plays are up in the air (for me at least, not necessarily the whole family). The only things I bother adding to my planner are ultrasound and OB appointments, knowing even those may change.

Image from www.sheknows.com/pregnancy-and-baby/day/53

I'm in a kind of holding pattern, hovering closely enough to our final destination to feel the anticipation of finally landing and yet far enough away that I can't see the location with any clarity. I'm infinitely grateful that my Pilot's ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). His perspective and purposes are eternal. He is perfect, and I can trust Him completely.