Another Transition

On Monday we received some news that has made my heart sad all week. A few months ago we learned that we were eligible to receive nursing care, and the process, once begun, went very quickly. Before we knew it, we had settled into a new routine that included Margie, our full-time nurse. Any doubts or concerns I had about this transition melted away, and before long, Margie felt like part of our family. She has utterly fallen in love with Verity and cares for her so tenderly.

And so it broke my heart when she told us on Monday that she had regretfully given her two-weeks' notice to the nursing agency. A work-from-home job that she had applied for before she even met us has come through for her, and in her words, "at her age" she feels this is a better work scenario for her for the long-term. I can tell she is heartsick about it, which only makes me feel even sadder. It's amazing how three short months could so completely change us all. Though I haven't really ever been able to nap as we half-joked about, it has been such a blessing to have consistent care for Verity, allowing me to focus more on homeschooling and mothering my other children. Having Margie attend various doctor's appointments and keep up with Verity's therapeutic exercises at home has been an extra bonus.

The nursing agency is setting up a meeting for us in a few days with a temporary nurse who is only available for 2 weeks but who can hopefully help fill in the gap while they find a more permanent nurse who will be a good fit. I'm almost sick about it--there are so many little things Margie just KNOWS and takes care of...the thought of "training" one person only to lose her and then "train" another person is exhausting and overwhelming. Meanwhile, I have heard horror stories from other Trisomy mamas of their nursing experiences, and I am still amazed that we had such "good luck" with our first experience! I know it was God's hand of direction, but still...other families are praying, too! Why we should have such a fabulous nurse our first time around and others are having difficulties is a mystery...and though I'm not superstitious, there is a sense of dread that THIS TIME things won't turn out as well. I need to keep praying and trusting, I know. God knew about this transition long before we did; He brought us Margie, and He can bring us another wonderful person whom we can love and who will love our Verity.

Best. Update. Yet.

Day 14
Today turned out to be a much bigger day than any of us could have anticipated. As I waited for Ted to arrive, I got word from our nurse that the cardiologists had ordered another echocardiogram. We weren't sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, so, being able to do absolutely nothing other than wait, I continued with my plans to make the trek to the Other Side of the Hospital Universe to shower. (Interestingly, the Infectious Disease Hallway smelled strongly of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies today...)

After Ted arrived and we shared a lunch from Schlotzky's, we got a phone call from Dr. M, the cardiologist who led the discussion with us last Thursday about Verity's heart. She explained why the team was requesting a new echo; the reasons were twofold:

1. There was some unexplained activity around the pulmonary vein--this is completely different from the issues we discussed last week, and they wanted to check it out more closely.

2. The large VSD, the one that Dr. A had initially told us would require surgery before Verity's first birthday...the large hole that in all likelihood would not close on its own, the way the smaller two probably would (and already have started)...yes, THAT hole...seemed to be starting to close "on its own." They wanted to see another echocardiogram to be sure.

Well! It's always good to get news that is much BETTER than one expects! Dr. M said she would call after the results came back, so Ted and I made plans for a milkshake date for the two of us and a much-needed massage for me.

While we were getting ready to go, Verity had a little episode: she pooped so hard that she had some reflux and aspirated stuff out of her nose. Her oxygen sat went down into the 70s, which meant the alarms started going off, but then the numbers climbed higher slowly but surely. Meanwhile, we were suctioning out her nose and repositioning her to try to help clear her airway. A nurse stepped in to help and was so calm about everything, I didn't think there was much of anything to worry about...but then I watched as the nurse quietly repositioned Verity, listened to her chest, and continued to hover over her and work with her, and then I noticed her little chest caving in with each breath. It was alarming: the numbers on the monitor were perfectly normal by this time, but she was clearly having difficulty breathing. The nurse suctioned out more junk, continued to work with Verity, calmly listened, wash, rinse, repeat. After a tense period, she was breathing more easily and the nurse seemed satisfied with what she was hearing (or not hearing), and the scary part was over. But it was definitely a wake-up call...I was reminded of the warnings from our Trisomy families that our littles can "silently" aspirate. Despite how well Verity has been doing thus far, we can't take anything for granted and must remain alert, especially if/when she gets sick.

I had a hard time leaving Verity after this, but we stayed around long enough to verify that she was doing much, much better and had two nurses saying they would specifically be watching her so that I could indeed go get my massage. I'm sure it won't be the last time I experience Mom guilt for leaving my baby. :-( (As an aside, I scheduled the massage because I haven't been able to turn my head to the right for the last few days; my muscles are that tight and knotted. I'm still sore and having difficulty turning that direction, but my shoulders and back are much less tense.)

Ted headed home after walking me to the massage clinic (about as far away as the showers, but in the opposite direction). As I was headed back to the NICU after my appointment, I got a call from Dr. M with the results of the day's echo. Sure enough, that large VSD is starting to close on its own! Whatever is going on with the pulmonary vein is not anything worrisome. The team wants to continue to monitor things, but as far as they are concerned, we can be released from the NICU whenever the doctor here is comfortable sending us home, and best of all...

THEY DON'T THINK SHE WILL NEED SURGERY!!!!

Verity does a victory dance of joy!

I texted the news to my sweet friend and prayer partner, who was here on Friday and prayed specifically that the holes in Verity's heart would close up and be healed. She wrote back right away to tell me this:

"Yesterday in children's church Zaden asked for prayer for Verity to be here on earth for a long time. We prayed that her heart would heal. Prayers of children I think avail much."

Indeed! Why do I marvel at all...I had wondered why God didn't show us via ultrasound the issues with Verity's heart so that we would know about that before she was born. Now I think what a blessing it is that we didn't know; surely it would have only added to the mental and emotional burdens we already carried throughout my pregnancy.

I praise and thank God for these answered prayers; at the same time, I am determined to stay yielded to His sovereign plans and purposes. I maintain that God is good no matter what our circumstances; I have wept with parents whose little ones were NOT healed, or who were NOT born alive. I don't understand why God has allowed our little Verity to live and (so far) thrive with such a positive potential outlook when so many other sweet children have had parents fighting for and with them and yet had to say goodbye all too soon.

I rejoice...yet I continue to ask God to let us not take anything for granted but rather help us to cherish what we are given.

Photos of Post-Birth Assessments & NICU

Prayer Requests from Beginning to End

We have reached 38 weeks with no signs of early labor or anything unusual! Even as I thank God for this milestone and for the positive reports we keep receiving, I am sobered as I consider the multiple stories I have encountered over the last few months of Trisomy 18 babies who were stillborn or born a few weeks early only to leave their families not long afterward. I don't take much for granted these days, and though I'll never understand many of the WHYs that are inevitable when considering our journey compared to others' experiences, I know our God is sovereign and worthy of praise no matter what the circumstances. I pray that we will continue to assert that truth if or when we reach a much different end than what we may be imagining.

I was reminded of the list of prayer requests I had jotted on paper very soon after we received Verity's diagnosis; several close friends had asked how they should pray, and I numbly wrote whatever came to my foggy brain early one morning to share with them. Looking back, it is clearly a Spirit-led list. I share it now as a testimony to the way God has led us thus far on this journey...I'll add present-day thoughts to the original list in brackets.

VERITY IRENE--Due Date: February 25, 2017

Prayer Requests

• Kenna's birthday protected (Feb 27)
• Salvation for loved ones
• A live birth and a time shared with family and friends--that our children will feel connected to (and not repulsed by) their sister. [I have absolutely no concerns about this! While I don't know for certain that Verity will be born alive, I can't help but feel that she will...and if not, we will deal with that as the time comes. But our children already are totally in love with their baby sister.]
• That we will see her through God's eyes--see her true beauty and get a peek at some of His marvelous purposes for her life. [Again, this is already happening! What a blessing!]
• Protection during pregnancy for me...physically, the challenges of being older, plus higher risk for preeclampsia. Emotionally. Mentally. [God has been gracious to me indeed; this pregnancy has been hard on my body, but overall things have gone and are going well.]
• Wisdom in getting help/care when needed. [See addendum below this list.]
• Hearts that are soft and teachable--protection against bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. Special understanding for the children especially. [While I believe that we have ALL learned and grown so much in these recent months, this will be an ongoing petition before the Father's throne.]
• That God will reach people who need Him, people who need truth and encouragement. 
• That God will use our story to bring understanding of the value of LIFE.

Addendum:

As our due date approaches and my body does its normal thing (i.e. frequent contractions), a concern I have is that we will KNOW with certainty when it's time to make our way to the hospital. The last 4 babies I have delivered all gave indication of imminent labor that ended up going nowhere. We have even been to the hospital thinking we were having a baby only to turn around and go back home. (This is rather embarrassing when you consider just how many children we have birthed...) But the fact is, I often have periods of regular, painful contractions, and while I've never had a dramatic in-the-car or at-the-hospital-doorway delivery, the fact that Verity is going to be smaller than the average baby PLUS the fact that she is our 9th delivery could very well mean that her entrance into the world could be incredibly swift!

So, considering that under optimal conditions it will still be close to 45 minutes from our driveway to waddling into the L&D ward at the hospital...will you join with me in praying that God will give us clear signs that we need to go? A good friend suggested praying that my water would break ahead of time, which I thought was a brilliant plan since that has never happened before I'm in active labor at the hospital! But again...I need a CLEAR sign...I don't want to be wondering, "Did my water break, or not??"

It's funny, now that I think about it, I haven't really "worried" about what will happen once we get to the hospital; my focus now is getting TO the hospital in a timely manner! However, here are the things we are praying concerning the hospital part of the adventure:

• That the right medical team will be assembled...while I have definite opinions about who I prefer to be (or not be) present for Verity's birth, I trust the Lord will work out His sovereign purposes.
• That we will be able to clearly communicate with everyone involved not only in the birth, but also in assessing Verity's needs once she arrives.
• That our family will be a blessing and a witness to any and all medical staff and other families we encounter during our time in the hospital.
• For the right timing for my parents to be able to travel from Wisconsin to be with us...my mom plans to be here as close to the birth experience as she can, and then she will remain with us for a time afterward. I value her experience as a retired nurse who did home health care for years and years, often caring for children and adults with special needs!
• That every last detail will be attended to--that we will be able to look back and marvel at the many ways, big and small, that God provided for every person's needs during what could otherwise be a chaotic, tumultuous time. I'm thinking especially of things such as child care for little ones at home so that Charis, Kenna, and maybe even both grandmas can be at the hospital for the actual birth. So that would include a decent time of day that we leave for the hospital with enough notice for friends to help!

Thank you to all who have prayed for us along this journey! I am so humbled and grateful for the many, many prayers on our behalf. We would not be where we are today if it weren't for all of those petitions and prayers of faith.

I Demand Joy: 36 Weeks and Counting

Yesterday I had another OB check-up, the first of what will now be weekly visits through Verity's arrival. Our next ultrasound is on Valentine's Day; I wasn't sure whether I should ask for one sooner or not, but I feel pretty comfortable that things are going well so far and don't want to be overly concerned about anything else at this point.

Anyway, I saw Dr. T, the same gentleman who met us for our January 17 appointment after the last ultrasound. I am so pleased to report that the brief time I spent with him yesterday blessed and encouraged me in a huge way! Especially after writing my last post, it was extremely refreshing to hear how pro-active Dr. T has been on our behalf.

For starters, after our last visit he made copies of our birth plan and circulated it amongst the doctors and nurses and NICU staff. He passed along copies of the research articles I had left with him. He spoke specifically to two of the NICU doctors (neither of whom was the doctor with whom I had a horrific consultation last November) to apprise them of our situation and spoke very highly of both of them as well as all the NICU nurses. He asked the nurse who gave us the L&D tour and her supervisor to come up with a plan of communication for when we come in for delivery. And the cherry on top, he described Ted and me as "level-headed" folks who have a "realistic understanding of this situation" and are completely capable of learning what needs to be done to support our daughter after she is born. WOW! Dr. T himself delivered a T18 baby a few years ago; though the baby only lived a week (had a congenital heart condition), the family remains in touch and in fact delivered another baby with Dr. T recently.

Can I confess something? It dawned on me as I was sharing with my family after dinner how the appointment went that yesterday was the FIRST TIME I have actually felt eagerness, joy, and anticipation regarding Verity's birth. I can't say with all honesty that the clouds of uncertainty and even fear have totally dissipated, but for the first time I am excited to see our baby girl in person, to hold her and learn more about who she is and how she will fare in this crazy, chaotic group of precious people who are my family.

It was a bit startling to realize just what a weight has been on me--that probably sounds absurd, given all the emotional news we've waded through over the last few months. But while I've desired to cherish each day with Verity; while I've smiled and laughed at her gymnastics and wiggles; while I've sighed in relief at each ultrasound appointment--the best emotions I've been able to muster have been more along the lines of "Somehow we'll get through all of this." I've feared and dreaded the day of her arrival even as part of me just wants to "get it over with." ("Tell me the bad news first, please.") I hate changing the status quo, particularly when it seems the impending change will be worse than current circumstances.

NO MORE!! Yesterday morning during my prayer time, I actually told God, "I demand joy!! You've promised me life abundantly, and I am TIRED of not having the full measure of what you desire for us!" (Or something to that effect, lol. I do remember demanding joy though. :-) )

I KNOW people have been praying for us--yesterday I felt carried along on eagles' wings, and the words from our doctor gave even more height to my soaring. For those who have been praying us through this journey, please pray that God continues to pour out His joy on us all...I'm sure He has been trying, but my/our capacity to receive it has not been all that it could be!

Waiting for Spring

My grown-up self has never been fond of winter. Growing up in Texas, I was eager as any kid to see a REAL snowfall, enough to make an actual snowman and go sledding. In my memories of Christmas visits to exotic places like Wisconsin and New Mexico, my brother and I romped in snowdrifts with cousins and stomped through woods with my dad and aunt to chop down a tree for decorating. I have no memory whatsoever of cold temperatures, only of the sweet delight that came from being out in the wild, wonderful, beautiful world of winter.

Then I grew up and realized how much I despise being cold, how much I dread the loss of the sun’s light and warmth and comfort. Though at times I can live vicariously through the children’s exuberance, I mostly dislike the bundle-everyone-up routine before we leave the house, invariably searching for lost mittens, hats, and boots while struggling with reluctant zippers. Truly I could spend all winter inside my house and never step foot outside…if it weren’t for so many extra bodies in the same house, driving me to eventual insanity with their boundless energy and boisterous voices (to put it mildly).

Winter is fabulous—in December, when snowmen and Christmas lights are part of the magic of holiday festivities. But then January comes, with dreary, colorless days. I’m already tired of sub-freezing temperatures, dirty gray snow, icy wind, and face-numbing dashes from the house to the van to the store and back. I long for spring, for the freedom to take a walk without cumbersome winter gear, for the ease in taking or sending children outside to play without concern for frostbite.

Spring. New life. New hope.

The fact that Verity is due toward the end of winter has not escaped me. Truly we are in a season of winter, sorting through all kinds of nuanced emotions, tracing trails of thoughts that we have never before had to follow. And I cannot deny that this winter is hard. Dark and cold, depressing and even oppressing at times.

But. We do not grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). And we encourage one another (verse 18)—or at least allow ourselves to BE encouraged—by the words of truth.

“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” Job 2:10

“In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other…” Ecclesiastes 7:14

I am grateful for an eternal, unchanging God, my Rock in tumultuous, changing circumstances. I am grateful He not only hears my cries…He also knows and understands my pain and confusion.

“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need.” Hebrews 4:14-16

I am grateful for loved ones who allow me the freedom to cry and rant and wallow in the pain and difficulty of fear and uncertainty—and yet gently remind me (or pray for the Holy Spirit to remind me!) that God will use every facet of this journey in order to conform us to the likeness of Jesus and to bring Him eternal glory.

I am grateful that I can sit in the presence of a holy God, unafraid and unashamed to spill out my true thoughts and feelings.

I am grateful that He loves me enough to never let me go, and even if I’m angry and acting and feeling unlovable, He still holds me close.

I wrote in my prayer journal a few days ago:

I don’t really find much solace in prayer these days….I go through the spiritual motions of following you, because what else can I do?? To whom else would I go?? There is no one else in heaven but you, and earth has nothing for me [Psalm 73:25]. You have the words of eternal life [John 6:68]. I may not like what all the words say at every point in this journey of life, but I acknowledge you alone are Truth, you are Sovereign, you are GOOD. And so I follow. I obey. My heart may not be leaping for joy, but I’m not leaving.

We walk by faith, not by sight…we walk by faith, not by feelings. Thank God for the gift of faith!

And thank God for the gift of Spring. For it WILL come. And we will appreciate the warmth, the sunshine, and the signs of new life all the more because of the cold, dark days of winter.

Whatever happens with Verity...we know the truth. And the truth sets us free and allows us to rejoice in the new life God has given us: literal life on earth as we bring forth another child into this world, but even more important, eternal life with Him, a life that will make everything on earth fade away as we step out of the darkness of winter and into everlasting spring.

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning…

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:5b, 11-12

Morning may not be here…yet…

I may not be dancing…yet…

Spring hasn’t arrived…yet…

But I’m learning there is no shame in allowing myself to weep in the winter.

Ultrasound #2: Facts

We had another ultrasound yesterday since the last one had not yielded good visibility for Verity's heart. I was so looking forward to getting another glimpse of our baby girl, whose movements grow increasingly stronger day by day. I was also anticipating some answers--something, anything--that might help us prepare for what Verity will need, what she will be like, upon her arrival.

Verity was in the exact same position as at the ultrasound 4 weeks prior--face down--but her increased growth allowed much better visibility for the tech whose priority was to get good shots and measurements of her heart and profile. Aside from her little feet turning inward and the clenched hands, both typical of Trisomy 18, everything looked so beautifully normal to us as parents. Our technician was kind and talkative and able to complete her tasks quickly. It wasn't long at all before we heard from Dr. B, the female doctor who had spoken with us after Verity's last ultrasound.

I will do my best to summarize the facts as we learned them yesterday. Considering it has been 24 hours and I did not take written notes, I may very well forget something, but here is what I remember the doctor telling us:

• The baby's heart looks very normal--this was an immense relief and an answer to prayer, as many T18 babies have heart issues. We have been praying that we will not have to make a decision about any major interventions that may cause harm to Verity, and knowing her heart is healthy in utero gives us peace.

• Verity's profile is absolutely beautiful. Oh wait...I'm supposed to be giving facts here, not opinions! ;-) But that is my interpretation of what Ted and I saw on the monitor coupled with Dr. B's assessment that there is no sign of a cleft lip (which could indicate a cleft palate but is not something that can be determined by ultrasound). Again, cause for celebration. I firmly believe that no matter WHAT this precious baby's appearance, I will see her as beautiful; however, one of my prayers from the beginning has been that our other children will feel connected to and not repulsed by their baby sister. Additionally, it gives me hope that perhaps I will even be able to nurse her. 

• Despite slowed growth being typical of T18 babies, Verity is of an average weight for a baby at 22 weeks gestation (about a pound). Now that I'm typing this out, I realize I neglected to ask specifically about her head circumference, which was in the 5th percentile last time. I will see if I can find out anything about that.

• The doctor could see no other physical concerns that were not already noted in the previous screening. Again, reason to praise the Lord!

• Based on this assessment, Dr. B is even questioning the need for Verity to have to be in the NICU, assuming she arrives close enough to her due date and is delivered without complications. She also suggested that whether I chose to do a C-section delivery or not would not make any difference. Now...the fact that she said these things is...a fact...but...this leads me to a topic for what obviously needs to be a follow-up to this post, which is feelings...so, I will unfortunately have to leave you hanging there for now.

Dr. B asked us some questions we honestly could not answer, mostly because it seemed so many of those answers would have had to begin with the words, "It depends..." I don't remember all of the questions, but I do remember phrases like hospice care, medical interventions, and ethical decisions. As Ted and I stared blankly at each other throughout these queries, it became all too obvious that, despite the reading we have done, we simply do not have enough information to equip us for the wide range of possibilities ahead of us.

So...we left the medical center with another appointment scheduled for next week: a consultation with the genetic counselor as well as a doctor from the NICU. These folks will be able to help us think through the "what ifs." Actually, perhaps it would be more accurate to say they will first help us know what exactly some of those "what ifs" are...

Despite hearing all of these facts, we left somehow feeling as if we know even less than we did before the ultrasound...

Today I Went to an Abortion Clinic

The day it was confirmed that our baby girl has Trisomy 18, I "happened" upon a Facebook post on a friend's page calling for volunteers to take a one-hour shift during the 40 Days for Life campaign to pray and stand peacefully in front of a local Planned Parenthood.

From the time I was a young teen, I have always been passionately pro-life. My stance has never changed--however, I humbly admit my perspective of "the other side" has morphed from one of critical judgment to one full of compassion, grace, and mercy. While I still could never condone abortion, friendships with dear friends who have experienced an abortion have helped me gain a small understanding of the turmoil before, during, and after the traumatic event.

Now I am carrying a child in my womb who has "abnormalities," the kind that leave some mothers feeling a desperate sort of grief, perhaps a feeling that there really is no other option for them other than to abort. And my heart goes out to them. From the beginning of our journey with Verity, we have asserted that abortion is NOT an option for us, because we stand on the truth of God's Word, truth that teaches all humans are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27); that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139); that God knew us before we were even conceived (Jeremiah 1:5); that God has plans for us that reach into eternity (Ephesians 2:8-10).

Because we know the truth, it has set us free from fear and anxiety. This is not to say we do not grieve or feel pain or sadness; on the contrary, we feel and grieve deeply. Agonizingly. Just this morning my husband and I wept together during our prayer time as we shared some of our fears with each other.

But wait--didn't you say you were free from fear?!

Yes. We are free from the fear that paralyzes, fear that hinders us from moving forward in faith. God has NOT given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, of power, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).

God's truth gives us joy that can't be explained; peace that is beyond understanding; and hope that does not disappoint. I am thankful beyond words for TRUTH.

And I have considered what the ramifications would be for me, for my family, for Baby Verity...

If I did.
Not.
Know.
Truth.

If all I had was a diagnosis...
If all I knew were the statistics...
If my only counsel were to consider what was best for ME in the here and now...

What would I do? What would I choose?

I can't even imagine.

And so today...I went to an abortion clinic. And I stood with three of my children as cold wind whipped about our faces, smiling and praying blessings over drivers who honked and waved as well as those who shouted obscenities. Praying God will reveal truth to those who are searching as well as to those who think they know it all. Praying God's people will reach out with love and compassion to those who are in desperate circumstances as well as to those who simply feel inconvenienced.

Today...and always...I stand for life.
Because I carry a precious life within me.
Because I enjoy the beauty of life on earth.
And because through Jesus I have the gift of eternal life.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Support

Flowers from Ted's front office and a family from our church

The following are just SOME of the amazing words of support and encouragement we have received over the last week. God speaks...definitely through His Word, which we cling to, but also through His people who are filled with His Word and His Spirit!

***********

My heart is strangely joyful knowing that our King is holding you in His arms. I see it so clearly!

Just had the image of Moses held up by Aaron and Joshua when he felt weary from standing to proclaim God's victory before the warring Israelites. Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we stand supporting you, encouraging you, holding you up to the Father, before a world at war against life, so that when you don't have the strength (physical or emotional) to stand, you will continue to bring glory to our ever Merciful God and to proclaim the Truth of his Goodness to a broken nation. We love you and sweet baby Verity.

We stand in agreement with you that God's peace is beyond our understanding but so needed every single day! Great is His faithfulness!

I read Ps. 111:7-8 this morning in the New King James Version, and it really spoke to me, right after your message:  "The works of His hands are verity and justice; all His precepts are sure.  They stand fast forever and ever, and are done in truth and uprightness."  Praying for you and your family today!

I don't have words of wisdom to share. Just know that I simultaneously weep and rejoice with you regarding your sweet little girl. Thank you for involving me in your early circle of prayer and inviting me to walk this with you in prayer support.

May God be glorified every moment of this process. I pray that someone that you meet--a doctor, a nurse, an ultrasound tech, someone--that does not know the Lord will come to know our sweet Savior because of you and this beautiful baby.

Thank you for your openness and vulnerability. I will certainly be praying specifically for you, your little girl, Ted and your other children. You're right, God IS good. Always. 

I too carried a sweet little baby boy knowing that he would pass away after being born. Beverly, saying goodbye to my son was the hardest thing I've ever done, but feeling God hold me through the entire ordeal and seeing how he worked even that gut-wrenching situation to accomplish good in my life is also one of the biggest miracles I've ever experienced. 

I am praying for you and Ted, for Verity, and for the rest of the family. I'm sure I don't have any new words or Scripture that others haven't already shared... but just know that I am lifting you up in prayer to our Father. Much love!

Hello, my friend.  I am thinking about you.  I am praying for you!  I pray that every time the Enemy whispers "worry" you will hear the reassurance of the Holy Spirit that much louder.  When the flesh cries out "I can't do this" that your heart will stand firm in God's truth knowing that with Him you are strong in your weakness.  I love you and your family!

I am so very sorry. Thank you for including me in your circle- know that I am praying for you, Ted, your little girl, and your whole family. I've walked through the fear of the possibility of such a diagnosis, and can't imagine having to face this reality head on. Thank you for your honesty and allowing us to hurt with you and pray for you. It's okay to be scared and grieved and angry and all those things.You are in my heart and I am here for you. I love you, sweet friend, and pray for God's indescribable peace to cover you all.

My dear friend. I sit with tears for your pain and your faith. I am proud to know you. I will continue to pray for Peace to wash over you, relentlessly like waves - always sure to be coming in again.

I wanted you to know that I am in prayer for you and Verity and your family. Your faith and trust in God is incredibly evident and a true witness to me and I'm sure others. May God continue you to bless you.

I read your message right before teaching my high school biology class, and we started out or day praying for you and  your family, including this precious baby girl.  In my quiet time this morning I read Is. 43, and when I read your message, I just went back to that passage for your baby (and for you):  "But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel:  "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;   I have called you by your name; you are Mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor the flame scorch you. . . ." 

God immediately put this scripture on my heart: 
Isaiah 41:10: ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
Please know I am praying for you right now, sending strength and comfort. I'm hugging you right now. I'm here for you. Love you dear Sister in Christ. 

May God open doors for you to be witnesses to his glory, peace, love, and grace. Prayers for this little one that he/she will be a testimony to his love and faithfulness. Prayers for wisdom for everyone involved, and that each step brings you closer to him.

I am praying for God to continue to cover you all with His peace. This peace passes all of our understanding. It strengthens us through any and all circumstances. 

With the journey and convictions leading to this point, I know the picture is so clear now.  But I also know that doesn't fully take away the hurt and fear completely. I love you and yes, God is good.

I just had the privilege to pray over your family and your journey!  Thousands of things flood my mind, one resonates and that is that He is God and we are not and thus His sovereign hand has ever detail in perfect order.  I am so grateful for your feet which are planted firmly in Him.

I will keep this brief knowing how precious time is and how overwhelming just communicating with those you love can be. I will be praying for ALL of you daily and like this morning continually as God speaks to my heart.  I know He will lead me in what and how to pray as I seek His face. The one thing that I want to share and I know you already know is that God is SUFFICIENT!  In my own journey of life this is one of the things I cling to over and over again. I wish I could be there and talk face to face or just sit and be with you or hold you but I know God is providing and will provide his ministering "angels" and I will stay on my knees and know I am here. I am humbled that you would trust me to pray, and pray I will. I love you.

And So It Begins

Friday, September 23, 2016…from my prayer journal:

Yesterday may well be a day I look back on as “the day that changed my life.” Time will tell…in the meantime, I wait 73 hours…wait for definite answers, resolution to the “abnormal results of your blood test.” That phone call was NOT what I expected early yesterday morning; I was waiting for a call to schedule our 20-week ultrasound. But. Instead I learned about test results that show an increased risk of our baby having Trisomy 18. Edwards syndrome. Basically a death sentence—either baby dies in utero, or shortly after birth, or, in rare cases, lives longer with severe—severe—physical and mental difficulties.

We are still looking at fairly good odds: 9/10 chance we have a perfectly healthy baby. But 1/10 is quite a jump from 1/187—my average risk based on my (oh-so-ancient) age.

"My soul finds rest in God alone—my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." (Psalm 62:1-2, NIV)

Oh, God! Whatever we learn Monday at the ultrasound—it won’t change who you are! It won’t change my passion for you; at least it won’t make me turn away from you. I trust you fully because you are worthy of my trust. I desire to give you glory no matter what. You know my heart—it’s yours.

You also know my weaknesses and frailties. You know my fears. My anxieties. My needs. Your grace is sufficient. Hold me close, Lord. These next 3 days will seem so long. And then…what? “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Let me be a seeker of your kingdom.