Of Healing and Miracles

I’m learning that faith in the fire isn’t easily defined. We can say we believe something, have Scripture to prove our points, and then find ourselves being tossed by the waves of circumstances beyond our previous realm of experience. All we can do is keep our heads above water, gulp enough air for breathing, and trust that the faith nurtured by the Holy Spirit is enough to keep us buoyant until the seas grow calm.

The “air” I’m inhaling, then, is the truth I KNOW, the foundation I don’t even have to think about.

God is real.

God is love.

God is all-powerful.

God is eternal and ever-present.

Let’s add a life vest—other truths that are buckled tightly around me and keep me from flailing and slipping underwater when I grow weary.

God has saved me through Jesus Christ and will never let me go.

God is sovereign; God is good; God has eternal purposes beyond what I can see.

God’s ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than my thoughts.

This part is easy. These things I know. What I do NOT know is how, exactly, God will wield His power and work His purposes in particular situations.

God is all-powerful: so can God do miracles? Of course—Jesus used miracles to prove His claim that He is the Son of God.

God is eternal: so does He do miracles in these days when Jesus Christ doesn’t walk in a physical body on earth? Undoubtedly—many of us can testify to supernatural works that can only be attributed to the intervening hand of the Lord.

God is sovereign: so does God bring healing that overrides a doctor’s diagnosis? Sure, sometimes…I don’t have proof of this, but I suspect God really gets a kick out of showing up and showing off when people predict doom and gloom. I think He takes delight in doing the unexpected in order to get someone’s attention and draw them to Himself. (Come on…a donkey speaking to Balaam? A boy defeating a giant with a slingshot? A Jewish girl chosen as queen of Persia who just happens to save her people from mass slaughter? I could go on...)

So yes, I know these things. I believe God is powerful. I believe that if He wanted to, God could “heal” Verity.

Let me tell you what I don’t know. I don’t know what to say—how to respond—to kindhearted, well-meaning, faith-filled, encouraging proclamations about how people are praying for healing for Baby Verity, praying for nothing less than a miracle.

The night we got confirmation that Verity has full Trisomy 18 (as opposed to partial or “mosaic” T18), we talked with our older four kids about what all this means. Our 13-year-old son asked if God could heal Verity—heal her in the sense of making her “normal.”

I answered carefully. “CAN God heal her? Of course. He COULD. He is able. But in order to make her NOT have this condition, He would have to reverse what He has already set in motion. Verity has an extra 18^th chromosome in every single cell of her body, and unless He chooses to intervene in miraculous ways, that extra chromosome is always going to be there.”

What I didn’t want then (or now, truthfully)? False hope. A hope that rests on Verity somehow becoming “normal,” all because we hope and pray for healing and wait expectantly for a miracle. And so that night, I gently squashed the idea of praying for Verity’s healing, mostly because I myself feel that God’s purposes for Verity’s life are not of the miraculous, physical-healing kind.

I will say, however…after a few weeks of wrestling over various thoughts and emotions, God gently showed me that He WILL bring healing for Verity—she will be healed and made whole in heaven, if not here on earth. And so I had another talk with our family, this time telling them that I was sorry if I had discouraged them from praying healing prayers for their baby sister. I still think that “healing” can mean different things to different people, and I still emphasize that heaven is our real home, and THAT is where all things will be restored and renewed. So our prayers for healing WILL be answered, ultimately. And if they keep these things in mind…if they aren’t expecting a “healing” or a “miracle” to look a certain way…if they are open to God’s answer being perfect, no matter what it looks like…then, children—friends—by all means, pray for healing!

Am I wrong to put these mental limits, all these caveats, on our prayers—especially the prayers of other people?

It’s an honest question.

If someone feels led to pray for Verity’s full, restorative healing—who am I to stop that? Pray. Pray as you feel led. But I need to share where God has led ME, and that is to a peace that whatever happens, God has ALREADY done miracles. (Verity is already knit together and growing in my womb, fearfully and wonderfully made, just as she is.) God has ALREADY answered prayers. And I fully expect that He will continue to answer prayers and do miracles.

But…my miracle may not be as glorious as you envision.

My miracle may be bravely enduring labor knowing I will give birth to a stillborn baby.

My miracle may be that I have strength each day to care for a special-needs child with love and compassion, a thought that both drains and terrifies me.

My miracle may be losing our girl to the arms of Jesus just as we have finally learned to “do life” with her and all her needs, nurses, and equipment.

My miracle may be praising God and embracing the life He has given me when I would rather curl up and die.

You know what? On second thought…pray for miracles. Please…pray for miracles.