Life in the NICU

I have a whole new understanding and appreciation of parents who live through NICU experiences...AND the nurses who walk alongside them. We've known a few families whose little ones were born prematurely and spent time in the NICU; we even visited one special little girl who appeared before we moved from Idaho to Ohio. But even that brief encounter wasn't enough to empathize with her parents, not really. We were brand new parents ourselves, still trying to figure out the parenting thing, and fully entering someone else's reality was difficult.

Now, with 9 deliveries under our belts, we have quite the resume when it comes to parenting and birthing experiences, but our whole journey with Verity has definitely taken us to new heights and depths. I decided to take a break from Verity updates (since there's really nothing new to report anyway) and give you a glimpse of our NICU life, which, I'm sure, is as different from others' NICU experiences as individual birth stories, but hopefully it will give you a small peek into this world that maybe is as foreign to you as it was to me up until two weeks ago!

THE SIGHTS

Our NICU has a nice set-up, with curtained-off individual rooms. Verity's incubator gave way to her crib after a few days, which is nice and gives us a bit more wiggle room--important on those days when the whole family comes to visit and we can use every spare square inch and then some.

Here's a view from my cot looking at Verity's bed: containers on the bottom of the crib cart have extra blankets and diapers. The counter has the computer (of course) where the nurses keep track of important things like how much poo a tiny human produces (the white, circular thing all the way to the left of the counter beside the keyboard is a scale for weighing the diapers). To the right of the keyboard is a handy milk-warmer; the nurses measure out Verity's milk in a large syringe and pop the syringe into the warmer. (As a side note, I am slowly gaining on Verity...rather than just pumping for the next feeding, I actually have a wee surplus. Still working on my supply, but we are doing well for now!) I don't think you can see them too well, but at the right is where I keep my stash of labels for the pumped milk, which I put in little capped cups and stick in the refrigerator (which is ONLY for breastmilk; there is a family-use fridge in the family lounge).

Below is a view from the computer corner, so you can see the narrow "closet" on the left with a cabinet beside it where I keep important things like dark chocolate and the make-up I never bother to put on. (WHY did I pack that in my hospital bag and not shampoo?!?!) The pumped milk fridge is underneath this counter. The curtain can pull all the way around the bed IF the hooks don't get stuck. I usually leave it partially open so I can see Verity's monitors when I'm lying down...as long as I leave my glasses within reach! My stash of essential oils and random personal items are on the window ledge, along with the cafeteria menu which I have pretty much memorized. (You know you've been in the NICU too long when you call in your breakfast order and the food-service operator asks you if you want honey with your coffee, saying, "Are you THAT lady?" LOL! My reputation proceeds me...we then had a lovely conversation about how her grandparents immigrated from Germany and raise bees!)

THE SOUNDS

A description of NICU life would certainly be incomplete without reference to the noises. Everything has a unique beep...and after watching a White Rabbit episode about annoying technology, I think it would be worth pointing out to the authorities that be how truly ineffective BEEPS are when it comes to notifying people about something important. (Research shows that people tend to tune out beeps and have a hard time identifying where the sound is coming from.)

In my little NICU world, the beeps that matter most are the ones that indicate alarming changes in Verity's stats. Here is a shot of her perfect, beautiful numbers--I thank God that these are, for the most part, unchanging, and when they do change, we have learned that there is good reason for the changes (at least for us...so far...I am well aware that things can take a sudden turn, but we have not had any emergencies during our time here). The top line (green) shows her heart rate; the blue, her oxygen saturation; and the yellow-ish, her respiratory rate. If any of these numbers goes above (heart rate) or below (oxygen) a certain level, alarms will start ringing. Other babies' stats pop up from time to time as well--monitoring is happening all the time, no matter where nurses or other caregivers are. It certainly makes it easier to rest when those too-brief opportunities to sleep come my way.

You can see the three tabs on Verity's chest and belly--the two on her chest monitor her heart rate, the one on her side monitors her breathing, and the padding on her left foot covers the oxygen monitor. If any of these wires get loosened (for example, when a baby is kicking her legs or someone is trying to actually cuddle the sweet child), it sets off the monitors. You guessed it--more beeps. Oh, sweet Verity, I can't wait to hold you without all these wires and attachments!!

Probably the most frequent beeping sound I hear is when this thing (shown below) is empty: this syringe gives Verity her milk through her feeding tube. It's a pretty awesome machine, with the ability to set the length of time the feeding will take (30 minutes in our case) and then steadily pump it into Verity's belly. When a minute is left, the machine beeps to tell us the feeding is almost over. And then when it IS over, the machine beeps. And beeps. And beeps. A nurse has to come and turn it off. It's an easy job, two buttons and the annoyance ends, but a NURSE has to turn it off. Not me, the mom slowly losing her mind when she just got back to sleep in the middle of the night.

And so when that beeping doesn't stop, I hit the nurse call button...which of course only adds to the chorus of beeps. Mamma mia. The NICU is not a very quiet place, and we haven't even started discussing wailing babies, chattering guests, wheeling carts, and housekeeping services. Or phone calls from the front desk to tell us visitors or food trays have arrived.

THE SMELLS

As you can probably imagine, we are in an extremely sterile environment. At any given time you can catch whiffs of hand sanitizer, and housekeeping comes around daily to wipe everything down with their cleaning supplies. I personally prefer my Thieves hand sanitizer, which not only smells better but helps my hands not be quite so dried out. And I have a diffuser in the corner of our room which usually has Peace & Calming essential oil blend in it. (I think I need that oil the most; after I gave birth, I pretty much wanted to drink it, lol. But I'm happy with rubbing it on at night and diffusing it.) And Miss Verity likes her Lavender oil...it has now happened multiple times that when she was fussing and nothing else seemed to help, I've waved the lid close to her nose and she instantly zonked out. I even have a nurse witness, lol. Love this stuff!

THE TASTES

I'll spare you descriptions of the tastes around here, lol. But for the inquiring minds, because I'm a breastfeeding mom, the hospital gives me 3 meals a day through room service. We aren't allowed to have trays in the NICU rooms, so I get a call from the front desk when my tray has arrived, go pick it up, and take it to the family lounge to eat. I think I've tried nearly everything on the menu; most things are decent, a few are worth having multiple times. I almost always have the same thing for breakfast (hence the operators anticipating my requests, lol), but I've tried to switch it up and be creative so I'm not too bored for lunch and dinner. There are pretty healthy choices available, and I have only ordered dessert a couple of times. I'm not starving by any means, and I've had some treats here and there when family bring me meals from The Outside World. And when I'm feeling stressed and overly tired...there's always my stash of dark chocolate...

THE ENVIRONMENT

The hospital showers are located maybe 1/4 of a mile away from the NICU. down a set of stairs and through winding corridors full of bustling people in scrubs if you go during the day but quite empty if you choose to shower at ungodly hours of the night. We stop at a service desk to request a set of towels, go up an elevator, and walk down a long hallway ominously labeled "Infectious Disease Control." The bathroom looks like something from an old YMCA building, but the showers are hot with fabulous water pressure, and really, that's all one needs, especially after sleeping on a hospital cot.

A huge oversight in the NICU ward itself is only having ONE bathroom for family members to use. One. As in ONE: one toilet, one sink, one door. This can be a problem when you have multiple moms having recently given birth needing to use the facilities...

The air is dry in here, so dry my hair flies with static and my lips are always chapped despite copious use of lip balm. The temperature is constant: warm in our NICU room, cold in the family lounge. I have windows but rarely open the blinds. I have no idea what the weather outside is like, although some days ago before the threatened snow storm (that wasn't), I walked around outside on the rooftop garden and enjoyed a small bit of nature amongst the city buildings.

THE PEOPLE

By far, the best thing about being in the NICU are the people: first of all, our little Verity, who is teaching us more and more about herself, and of course our wonderful family and friends who visit us, pray with and for us, and shower tons of love and blessings on Verity.

I've met some amazing moms--a mom of twins in the NICU and a little girl; moms of preemies who have had to learn to eat well enough to go home; a first-time mom who found herself in the terrifying position of not only a difficult and traumatic labor, but also fearing for her son's life when he did not breathe on his own for 15 minutes; a brave mom who carried twins as long as possible, knowing that one of them would likely not survive (he died after 11 days but his sister lives); an adoptive mom who drove from Alabama to be here when the birth mother delivered a baby boy. I've met supportive and proud dads, two of whom make a 3-hour drive to the hospital every weekend and take personal leave time so they can be with their wives and babies. One dad said this whole NICU experience has made him a better dad and husband; his wife (my NICU neighbor and soul sister) agrees with this and says it has brought their (blended) family closer together by God's grace.

And I've met some amazing care givers, from the front desk ladies who call me "Honey" and love hearing about our family and Verity's story to the fearless, tireless NICU nurses who have given us tender loving care each and every day. I am forever grateful that Dr. A, our NICU doctor, "happened" to be on her two-week rotation during Verity's 2 weeks here; God certainly answered our prayers for a supportive doctor and caregivers.

The last two weeks have been incredibly hard in some ways and incredibly meaningful as I have caught glimpses of glory in unexpected places. I've shed some tears of exhaustion, fear, and frustration to be sure...but God's presence is oh-so-tangible even in this bustling, beeping, sterile environment. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be put in a cleft of the rock, covered with God's hand, and allowed to see even a fraction of His glory. (Exodus 33:21-23) Surely He has made His goodness pass before us and proclaimed His name (Ex. 33:19).