She is THREE!!!

We had a wonderful birthday celebration on February 28, 2020, rejoicing in the THREE years God has given us with Verity Irene! We had an open house celebration, which...in hindsight...probably wouldn't have happened if we had known we'd be under Coronavirus quarantine-type measures shortly afterward. But praise God, all our friends and we are still healthy, and so we are grateful that we had the opportunity to celebrate with friends and family on Verity's special day! Verity wore 2 different party dresses after "anointing" one of them...so much for trying a taste of her birthday cake?! Oral eating may never be a thing for our girl, but we are so grateful she is HEALTHY and HAPPY and that we get to share life with her, because she is most definitely

Compatible

with

LIFE!!!

Celebrating LIFE

A few weeks back our small group leader approached me to discuss the fact that some ladies in our church were wanting to put together a baby shower to honor Verity's life and to be a blessing to our family. I was so incredibly touched, especially when she asked for my input and acknowledged that no one was quite sure how to go about doing this given our situation.

Mamas in my FB Trisomy community gave some valuable input, which I passed on to Connie, and the ladies did an amazing job of putting together what truly was a celebration full of joy and meaning. Our church family showered us with love and blessings last night, and we are humbled, encouraged, and thankful.

The event was open to husbands as well as wives...I believe this was our first couple's shower, now that I think about it! It was so nice that Ted's mom is also here with us and was able to be a part of the evening. We left our kids at home in the capable care of their teen siblings along with another larger family who joined forces with them for what was, I'm sure, a rowdy and delightful evening for the kids as well, lol.

The potluck dinner was wonderful with plenty of good fellowship and fun shower games to keep us engaged. As I looked around the room at the nearly 3 dozen people who had gathered with us in person, I was overwhelmed not only at who was there attending our celebration in person, but also at the many who have expressed their love and support and were not able to be physically present, whether from our own small church community or from vast distances.

Our pastor shared some thoughts from Psalm 139, a beautiful and profound message. He has given me permission to share publicly, which I will do in a separate post at another time. Then we closed the evening singing "10,000 Reasons," "Blessed Be the Name," and "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." It was a beautiful and precious time with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

At home, Ted and I had some quiet moments reading the beautiful messages folks had written for us. The gift card and money tree is a blessing that will keep on giving as we reserve the resources and wait to see what Verity will need. And our freezer already has a stash of meals that will be easy to prepare when things start happening and Mom isn't home to oversee the menu plan.

I confess I was uncertain going into the event whether I would end up being emotional, but honestly, it was truly such a celebration with so many dear friends that there was no sadness at all, only joy and thankfulness in shared acknowledgement of precious truths...

"Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me...let me be singing when the evening comes...
Bless the Lord, oh my soul, oh my soul,
Worship His holy name;
Sing like never before, oh my soul, worship His holy name."

"Blessed be your name when the sun's shining down on me, when the world's all as it should be,
Blessed be your name.
Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be your name.
Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise;
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say: 'Blessed be the name of the Lord...'"

"Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth; Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow...blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.
Great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided; great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me."

Oh, yes! One other thing I think is worthy of reporting...Ted, his mom, and I were all approached at various times and told in no uncertain terms that I was NOT to write thank-you notes, that we had enough going on in our lives and no one wanted me to have additional stress! So sweet! But my mama raised me right, so I WILL write a note for Connie to put in the church bulletin...that was deemed acceptable, lol. I love the hearts of these men and women who didn't even want their names on the money tree envelopes.

Practical Love

My sweet and long-time friend Erin B. posted this on my Facebook timeline yesterday morning:

Beverly...do you have any ideas for those of us who live far away from you all, but would like to offer some physical support to you and your family?? Gift cards to restaurants or local grocery stores,....if so, what restaurants and grocery stores would be most helpful to you? We are definitely lifting you all up in prayer daily and would like to show our love for you and your family....and I am sure your other long distance friends would like to as well.

It wasn't long before other friends started chiming in with their desires to help as well. I confess I shed tears each time I read a comment. Honestly, I feel I don't deserve the outpouring of love and encouragement...and this is something God has been revealing to me about myself. I used to think these feelings were because I was independent and it has always been difficult to admit I need someone's help. But through a number of amazingly sweet and well-timed messages, cards, texts, a theme has emerged, one that is finally getting through my thick skull.

"You are so loved."

I don't know how many times I have read that sentence or a variation thereof in the past few months. In our family, we freely and frequently tell each other "I love you." I wouldn't have thought that receiving love was an issue for me, but somehow, just in the last couple of weeks, I've felt a growing awareness that YES, it is an issue (for whatever reason), and I need to stop skimming over these words and ponder, meditate, chew on the fact that I AM LOVED.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
    therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:3

After failures like those I detailed in my last post, it's easy to feel undeserving of good things. And yet, that is exactly the point of grace! We DON'T deserve God's love. We DON'T deserve the opportunity to spend eternity with Him in heaven. But He loves us and pursues us while giving us the choice to receive or reject Him.

As for me and my house? We choose Jesus. But regardless of our daily choices, actions, words, attitudes--His love never fails. It isn't dependent on our behavior, thank the Lord!!

And so, being reminded of these truths (there's Verity's name again! Oh, how much this little one is teaching me!)...I humbly and gratefully open my heart to God's love that is DAILY being poured out through His people. THANK YOU, dear ones, for having it in your hearts to serve, love, and care for me and my family!

In considering what some of our practical needs might be upon Verity's arrival, I have to confess that honestly, the biggest struggles will likely be the things I currently struggle with on a day-to-day basis. It's hard to admit what an enormous challenge it is simply keeping my family fed and semi-organized; I never asked for a large family (but I'm so very thankful we have one!), yet I feel the pressure of looking at least minimally capable of keeping it all together, lol! So when I consider that there's a chance we may be spending a lot of time at the hospital and/or traveling back and forth, keeping all these bellies fed (with minimal stress) will probably be one of the biggest challenges. I have some amazing teens who are becoming very capable in the kitchen, but keeping easy-to-prepare foods (that are reasonably healthy) within reach will be helpful for anyone doing meal prep.

So, ideas for gift cards:

• Commissary! I am pretty sure I saw signs posted that there are military commissary gift cards available.
• Trader Joe's (we love some of their frozen offerings like gnocchi and pasta and orange chicken--even Kenna can cook those meals!)
• We don't often buy groceries in our town because it's more expensive, but a chain grocery store we do have is No Frills.
• Some folks asked about restaurants...we don't eat out often, but Chick-Fil-A is a family favorite, and we've discovered we all enjoy Freddy's as well!
• There is a Pizza Hut in our small town (although the more refined tastes prefer the locally owned Adriano's Brick Oven Pizza, lol).
• While grown-ups may eschew McDonald's, there is also one of those in our little town, and it IS a treat for the kids!

The baby shower our church family is planning for Verity will likely be a money tree/gift card thing. We will use cash toward Verity's clothing and diaper needs and any special items needed for her care (we obviously still aren't sure exactly what she will need, so we don't really know either what items are covered by insurance, etc.).

Thank you, thank you, thank you for even asking how you can help. I often feel that there are such greater needs in the world...that our journey with a Trisomy 18 baby is, in comparison, something that "should" be so much easier to deal with than [fill in the blank.] But I can't deny that this road has been every bit as hard as--and probably even more difficult than--having our 6th baby while Daddy was deployed to a war zone for a year! I learned to ask for and receive help during that time, and I'm re-learning the importance of that same lesson.

"But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together." 1 Corinthians 12:24-26

Feeling Loved

When you receive a book in the mail from a friend the same day a different friend sends you a link for that same book...

When you receive multiple hand-written expressions of support and encouragement in your mailbox...

When your phone buzzes throughout the day with messages brimming with prayer and God's promises...

How can I help but feel God's tender love?!

Supportive Friends, Part 2: Connections

Our family has been overwhelmed (in a good way!) by the love and support we have seen over the last few weeks. One way a number of people have reached out to us is by sending messages telling us about someone they know or have heard of who has experienced a similar pregnancy diagnosis to ours.

I think it's human nature to desire and seek out connections with others who have commonalities with us. Being more of an extrovert myself, I usually thrive on relationships, both in-person and online. But I have a confession to make...right now, I don't feel I have the mental or emotional capacity to personally respond to what feels like an inundation of new contacts. While our family made the decision to be very open with Verity's story, letting others in to read about and experience this journey with us (if they desire), I am not sure I'm ready to venture too far out of my "comfort zone" just yet. 

Do I accept all of these "Friend Requests" from people I don't know personally? Do I need to write to everyone whose contact information I've been given? After pondering and praying for awhile, I feel peace about saying NO in many cases. 

This is not to say I don't want to hear from other families who have already trekked down a path that looks like ours. Indeed, I've already been blessed by some connections set up by mutual friends. It is simply amazing how many folks know someone who has experienced or is currently experiencing something like our journey with Verity. And it's humbling to read so many sweet messages of love and encouragement as friends reach out to me in private messages offering someone else's contact information.

It would be a full-time job to keep up with all these stories...as much as I would love to! So here is a general, blanket response I give here in a public forum, again speaking personally and not necessarily for every parent in my situation: I am happy to hear from others who have been down a similar road, but please know that I do not feel I am in the position to be the one making initial contact. And please do not be offended if I don't reply right away to an offer for a "Trisomy 18 set-up;" it's only because it's not the only "blind date" I've been approached about. ;-) If people would like to email or private message me their story, that is the easiest way for me to absorb information and glean from other people's experiences...on my own time, when I'm emotionally able to handle whatever it may be. (I have yet to watch a video a sweet lady sent me about her own darling baby girl...I started watching it and realized it was set to music...and knew I would be a sobbing mess before it was over!! Since I was getting ready to leave the house shortly afterward, I opted to wait to watch the whole thing!)

From friends who say they really don't know what to say to friends who are moved to share someone's story with me, I have to say we know some truly wonderful people! Please know we are deeply moved by the prayers and concern of so many.

Supportive Friends, Part 1: What to Say??

A sweet long-distance friend, with whom I frequently chat back and forth via a walkie-talkie app, heaved a sigh of apology after she sent me an utterly normal message. Some time after she had recorded this (admittedly snarky) comment (we share a sarcastic sense of humor), she saw a message from me saying I was having an emotionally difficult day. She then felt bad and sent this:

"I never know whether normalcy is best, or talking about Verity is best...so...if ever I just screw it up, please tell me, because I have no idea what I'm doing."

Oh, how I love this dear woman! I have no idea what I'm doing, either!

Truly, I'm not sure how I would be friends with me. What would I say? What should I NOT say?

I can by no means speak for others in situations similar to mine, but for those in my personal circles, I can say that in general...normal is best. But...not at the expense of ignoring what is going on. Does that even make sense? I appreciate trying to have a sense of normalcy and routine. This isn't something I want or need to talk about every single time I see you. At the same time...pretending nothing is wrong and ignoring the elephant in the room feels awkward, too.

There are days when it really doesn't matter what you say to me or how you say it...I'm going to cry on your shoulder whether you're ready for it or not. (Thanks, Brenda, for being brave with and for me Sunday morning right before the service started!!) There are other days when there is inexplicable strength coursing through my veins and I can speak of difficult things without batting an eye. So...possibly the easiest route for those whom I encounter on a regular basis might be to just go with the flow. For your own comfort's sake, you may wish to feel me out with a "How are you holding up today?" type of question...but be prepared for an honest answer, because my emotions are at surface-level these days!

In the grand scheme of things, it honestly does not matter what you say, or even what you don't say. Another friend responded to our news about Verity this way: "I have no idea what to say except that I love you and I care!"

And really, that's all we need to hear from our friends anyway.

Support

Flowers from Ted's front office and a family from our church

The following are just SOME of the amazing words of support and encouragement we have received over the last week. God speaks...definitely through His Word, which we cling to, but also through His people who are filled with His Word and His Spirit!

***********

My heart is strangely joyful knowing that our King is holding you in His arms. I see it so clearly!

Just had the image of Moses held up by Aaron and Joshua when he felt weary from standing to proclaim God's victory before the warring Israelites. Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we stand supporting you, encouraging you, holding you up to the Father, before a world at war against life, so that when you don't have the strength (physical or emotional) to stand, you will continue to bring glory to our ever Merciful God and to proclaim the Truth of his Goodness to a broken nation. We love you and sweet baby Verity.

We stand in agreement with you that God's peace is beyond our understanding but so needed every single day! Great is His faithfulness!

I read Ps. 111:7-8 this morning in the New King James Version, and it really spoke to me, right after your message:  "The works of His hands are verity and justice; all His precepts are sure.  They stand fast forever and ever, and are done in truth and uprightness."  Praying for you and your family today!

I don't have words of wisdom to share. Just know that I simultaneously weep and rejoice with you regarding your sweet little girl. Thank you for involving me in your early circle of prayer and inviting me to walk this with you in prayer support.

May God be glorified every moment of this process. I pray that someone that you meet--a doctor, a nurse, an ultrasound tech, someone--that does not know the Lord will come to know our sweet Savior because of you and this beautiful baby.

Thank you for your openness and vulnerability. I will certainly be praying specifically for you, your little girl, Ted and your other children. You're right, God IS good. Always. 

I too carried a sweet little baby boy knowing that he would pass away after being born. Beverly, saying goodbye to my son was the hardest thing I've ever done, but feeling God hold me through the entire ordeal and seeing how he worked even that gut-wrenching situation to accomplish good in my life is also one of the biggest miracles I've ever experienced. 

I am praying for you and Ted, for Verity, and for the rest of the family. I'm sure I don't have any new words or Scripture that others haven't already shared... but just know that I am lifting you up in prayer to our Father. Much love!

Hello, my friend.  I am thinking about you.  I am praying for you!  I pray that every time the Enemy whispers "worry" you will hear the reassurance of the Holy Spirit that much louder.  When the flesh cries out "I can't do this" that your heart will stand firm in God's truth knowing that with Him you are strong in your weakness.  I love you and your family!

I am so very sorry. Thank you for including me in your circle- know that I am praying for you, Ted, your little girl, and your whole family. I've walked through the fear of the possibility of such a diagnosis, and can't imagine having to face this reality head on. Thank you for your honesty and allowing us to hurt with you and pray for you. It's okay to be scared and grieved and angry and all those things.You are in my heart and I am here for you. I love you, sweet friend, and pray for God's indescribable peace to cover you all.

My dear friend. I sit with tears for your pain and your faith. I am proud to know you. I will continue to pray for Peace to wash over you, relentlessly like waves - always sure to be coming in again.

I wanted you to know that I am in prayer for you and Verity and your family. Your faith and trust in God is incredibly evident and a true witness to me and I'm sure others. May God continue you to bless you.

I read your message right before teaching my high school biology class, and we started out or day praying for you and  your family, including this precious baby girl.  In my quiet time this morning I read Is. 43, and when I read your message, I just went back to that passage for your baby (and for you):  "But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel:  "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;   I have called you by your name; you are Mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor the flame scorch you. . . ." 

God immediately put this scripture on my heart: 
Isaiah 41:10: ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
Please know I am praying for you right now, sending strength and comfort. I'm hugging you right now. I'm here for you. Love you dear Sister in Christ. 

May God open doors for you to be witnesses to his glory, peace, love, and grace. Prayers for this little one that he/she will be a testimony to his love and faithfulness. Prayers for wisdom for everyone involved, and that each step brings you closer to him.

I am praying for God to continue to cover you all with His peace. This peace passes all of our understanding. It strengthens us through any and all circumstances. 

With the journey and convictions leading to this point, I know the picture is so clear now.  But I also know that doesn't fully take away the hurt and fear completely. I love you and yes, God is good.

I just had the privilege to pray over your family and your journey!  Thousands of things flood my mind, one resonates and that is that He is God and we are not and thus His sovereign hand has ever detail in perfect order.  I am so grateful for your feet which are planted firmly in Him.

I will keep this brief knowing how precious time is and how overwhelming just communicating with those you love can be. I will be praying for ALL of you daily and like this morning continually as God speaks to my heart.  I know He will lead me in what and how to pray as I seek His face. The one thing that I want to share and I know you already know is that God is SUFFICIENT!  In my own journey of life this is one of the things I cling to over and over again. I wish I could be there and talk face to face or just sit and be with you or hold you but I know God is providing and will provide his ministering "angels" and I will stay on my knees and know I am here. I am humbled that you would trust me to pray, and pray I will. I love you.