Supportive Friends, Part 1: What to Say??

A sweet long-distance friend, with whom I frequently chat back and forth via a walkie-talkie app, heaved a sigh of apology after she sent me an utterly normal message. Some time after she had recorded this (admittedly snarky) comment (we share a sarcastic sense of humor), she saw a message from me saying I was having an emotionally difficult day. She then felt bad and sent this:

"I never know whether normalcy is best, or talking about Verity is best...so...if ever I just screw it up, please tell me, because I have no idea what I'm doing."

Oh, how I love this dear woman! I have no idea what I'm doing, either!

Truly, I'm not sure how I would be friends with me. What would I say? What should I NOT say?

I can by no means speak for others in situations similar to mine, but for those in my personal circles, I can say that in general...normal is best. But...not at the expense of ignoring what is going on. Does that even make sense? I appreciate trying to have a sense of normalcy and routine. This isn't something I want or need to talk about every single time I see you. At the same time...pretending nothing is wrong and ignoring the elephant in the room feels awkward, too.

There are days when it really doesn't matter what you say to me or how you say it...I'm going to cry on your shoulder whether you're ready for it or not. (Thanks, Brenda, for being brave with and for me Sunday morning right before the service started!!) There are other days when there is inexplicable strength coursing through my veins and I can speak of difficult things without batting an eye. So...possibly the easiest route for those whom I encounter on a regular basis might be to just go with the flow. For your own comfort's sake, you may wish to feel me out with a "How are you holding up today?" type of question...but be prepared for an honest answer, because my emotions are at surface-level these days!

In the grand scheme of things, it honestly does not matter what you say, or even what you don't say. Another friend responded to our news about Verity this way: "I have no idea what to say except that I love you and I care!"

And really, that's all we need to hear from our friends anyway.